Communication and how come we still don't get it right?

No one would talk much in society if they knew how often they misunderstood others.

- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The morale in an organization is something that workplaces take very seriously. Some spend a significant portion of their budget in training and development, offsites and performance management processes to increase morale.

Those managers who are deemed good or even great, are generally rated as such because of their people management skills, not because of their qualifications or their area of expertise. People management skills can be summarized into one word ‘communication’. Their ability to understand others and be understood gives them the advantage when it comes to working with others.

If you become known as a great communicator; someone who can get their message across in simple to understand terms; who is known for really listening to people then not only will you be highly regarded in the organization, you are also likely to fast-track your career.

Yet it seems to me that most of the confusion and trouble around the place arises because of how people are communicating, or not, as the case may be. Go into any corporation and people will talk about the lack of communication and how this is affecting morale and the ability to get the job done.

Sound familiar? Have you ever said to yourself (in relation to some conflict in the office or even out there in the World) 'why don't they just get together and talk it over?'

And if they do get talking, what happens? When people are listening to someone they can often be frustrated because they don't get the point, or they don't quite understand where the other person is coming from. For the speaker it is equally frustrating that the person they are talking to just doesn't seem to get what they are saying.

The point is? We don't take the time to understand what people are saying, or making sure that what we are saying is clear.

How often do you think you have communicated once you have told someone to do something, and then find yourself saying "I don't understand - I told them what to do!" when it doesn't get done or it isn't done 'right'?

But did you check that they understood your message? Unless you know that the message has been properly received you can never be sure that you have been understood.

I have two teenage boys and I am reminded of this lesson daily. When you consider that a lot of communication (or information) I receive is in the form of grunts - means that I have to do a lot of checking - firstly to ensure that I understand their message but also to make sure they have understood mine. Easy to say, but harder to put in practice and still misunderstandings occur!!

Communication has to be two-way to be effective. It is an exchange of information, not just a one-way stream. If there are barriers in place, the message can also be distorted. By barriers I mean things like distractions (noisy environment, our own biases, or our perception of the other person) that affect our ability to hear the message or distort what is being said.  An effective way to overcome these barriers and make sure the message is understood is by using something called active listening and by providing constant feedback to check in that you do understand their message.

Active listening means listening with the intent to understand (as Steven Covey wrote in his best selling book ‘Seven Habits for Highly Effective People’); and to have a purpose for listening.  By attending to the words being said and the way they are being said and verifying the meaning by offering feedback will go a long way to create more understanding when you are communicating with someone else.

So how do you do that? People skilled in active listening have the following traits. They:

• spend more time listening than talking
• don't interrupt or finish the sentences of others
• don't look around the room to see who else is there, or look at the window, or check their emails(!)
• focus on the other person
- they provide feedback without interrupting unnecessarily

If you want to build up your listening muscle there are lots of courses around about communicating effectively.

Alternatively make a conscious effort to spend the rest of today and tomorrow really listening to everyone you come into contact with. Seek to understand what they are saying.

At the same time focus on what you are saying - remember the meaning of your message is what the other person understands you have said - which may be quite different to the meaning you intended.

No more excuses!

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Maree Burgess is the owner of Internal Influence, and creator of the Influence Your Mindset™ Program, a program specifically created for individuals and groups to effect the changes required internally to achieve the desired results and outcomes identified. Visit http://www.internalinfluence.com.au to learn how to influence your mindset for change.